Why Parents and Children Sometimes Break Up...

"Relationships don't heal themselves, it's up to us to take that step, and repair the brokenness..."

Cutting off a parent or child is a last-resort decision, and we might live with deep regret or confusion about this decision. How do we change our attitude about parent-child relationships and be the stronger person that takes a leap of faith, and try heal the wounds?

We are joined by clinical psychologist, Dr Jenny Rose, to help us with guidance and understanding: Why does this happen? How do we accept our loved ones for who they are? Is there a way to repair the broken bond?

Brought to you by Epi-Max Baby & Junior - Our Family, for Your Family. Sponsored by Curaprox and supported by Jacaranda FM.

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ABOUT DR JENNY ROSE

I am a clinical psychologist and parent-child specialist. I am also a mom to three girls, 7 year old Kate, and 3 year old twins, Hannah and Riley. I am on a mission to empower parents to see their own true capacity to be amazing parents, focusing on the development of their child, through conscious and gentle parenting methods. I provide practical tips, tools and strategies for you to apply in everyday living, in an easy and accessible way. My goal is that you leave your time with me, not feeling despondent about all you're doing wrong, but empowered for all you can do.

I have worked as a clinical psychologist for 14 years, and am a specialist in the field of children. I obtained my PhD in the area of parent-child attachment. I also lecture at two local universities, where I am involved in the training of clinical masters students.

I am on a mission to make information accessible to parents, through providing resources, tools and strategies for everyday living. Raising our kids to be secure, resilient and confident is the ultimate goal.

At my practice, I see many children and adolescents, who are in need of therapeutic support. I work from both non-directive and a more structured approach, and each intervention is case determined. I also see adults for psychotherapy. I work with various difficulties, such as depression, anxiety, relational struggles and trauma. I also see couples for couples counselling and relationship difficulties.

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Podcast Transcript

Prefer to read instead? Here’s the full transcript from this episode of the Baby Brunch Podcast. 

Short on time? Scroll to the key takeaways below.

Host:
Welcome to another Baby Brunch podcast.

I recently had an Instagram inbox that literally stopped me in my tracks. And when I looked around me, I realized it’s not that unusual — I actually know a few people this is happening to.

It’s where a parent and an adult child no longer speak. Not because of death or distance, but because one of them decided to walk away.

So today, we’re talking about parent and child estrangement.

“We don’t talk anymore.”
“I don’t speak to my mother.”
“I don’t speak to my father.”

Sometimes, it goes as far as emotionally writing someone off completely.

So I brought in someone who has helped us on many podcasts before — Dr Jenny Rose.

Dr Jenny Rose:
Thank you, Elana. It’s always lovely to sit down and have a conversation with you.

Host:
I have a great relationship with my parents, but I’ve had to work on certain aspects of those relationships too.

Let’s start here — what are we actually dealing with when it comes to estrangement? Is it grief? Is it loss?

Dr Jenny Rose:
I think both are accurate.

We’re dealing with a devastating loss of a relationship. Most of us hope for a good relationship with our parents — and as parents ourselves, we want that with our children too.

When that doesn’t happen, the impact is incredibly deep. It’s not just distance — it’s emotional loss.

Host:
Is this common? Do people come to you feeling like they’ve missed out — or even feeling guilty for having both parents?

Dr Jenny Rose:
Yes — we often see something called comparative suffering or even survivor’s guilt.

People downplay their own struggles because someone else “has it worse.” But that’s not helpful. Your experience is valid — even if others have different or more severe circumstances.

Host:
At what point does estrangement happen? When does someone say, “You’re dead to me”?

Dr Jenny Rose:
It often comes down to repeated patterns that don’t change.

When someone expresses hurt and asks for change — and the other person continues to ignore that — people start putting boundaries in place to protect themselves.

But there’s another side too…

We’re seeing more influence from online trends, especially among younger people — where cutting people off is sometimes encouraged as a quick solution rather than working through relationships.

Host:
That’s interesting — this idea of boundaries is everywhere now.

But what about the complexity? Trauma, upbringing, mental health — how much does that play a role?

Dr Jenny Rose:
A massive role.

We can’t look at estrangement without considering:

• Trauma

• Mental health

• Upbringing

• Financial stress

• Addiction

• Life circumstances

But here’s the key:
Even if we can explain a parent’s behaviour — the child’s emotional experience is still valid.

If someone felt unseen or unloved growing up, that feeling matters — regardless of the reason.

Host:
So how do we deal with reconciliation — or the lack of it?

Dr Jenny Rose:
One of the biggest processes is mourning the “ideal parent”.

We often carry an image of who we wish our parent was. Before we can accept reality, we have to grieve that ideal.

Only then can we make space for the real relationship — whatever that looks like.

Host:
And what about when someone keeps forgiving — but keeps getting hurt?

Dr Jenny Rose:
That’s where it becomes very difficult.

At some point, you have to ask: “How many times do I keep trying?”

We wouldn’t tell someone to stay in a harmful relationship indefinitely — emotional safety matters just as much as physical safety.

Host:
And if reconciliation never happens?

Dr Jenny Rose:
Then we’re dealing with ongoing grief.

Even if the person is alive, it’s still a loss. And grief doesn’t disappear — it evolves over time, especially as we move through different life stages.

Host:
That’s heavy.

Do people ever deal with regret — especially if something happens before things are resolved?

Dr Jenny Rose:
Yes, and that’s why I often encourage people to reflect on that.

Ask yourself:
“If something happened tomorrow, would I have regrets?”

One helpful exercise is writing a letter — even if you never send it. It allows you to process what you need to say.

Host:
That’s powerful.

Dr Jenny Rose:
And something important to remember:
One of the most powerful things in relationships is repair.

Even years later, an apology or acknowledgement can be incredibly healing.

But estrangement can remove that opportunity.

Host:
Final thought — is there ever a “perfect” resolution?

Dr Jenny Rose:
No — it’s messy, complex, and deeply personal.

But maturity comes when we can hold both truths:

• Our parents may have loved us

• And they may have hurt us

Both can exist at the same time.

Host:
For anyone listening — my hope is that we can find ways to mend, where possible… and where not, to process that loss with compassion.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Dr Jenny Rose:
Thank you, Elana. Always a pleasure.

(Transcript edited for clarity and readability)

Key Takeaways

• Estrangement is a form of grief
  Even when both people are alive, the loss of a relationship can feel as deep and complex as any other kind of grief.

• There’s rarely one clear cause
  Estrangement is usually the result of multiple factors — including upbringing, trauma, mental health, life circumstances, and unresolved conflict.

• Your experience is valid
  Whether you’re a parent or a child, your emotional experience matters — even if others see the situation differently.

• Boundaries can protect — but they’re not always simple
  Setting boundaries is important for self-preservation, but cutting ties completely is a significant decision with long-term emotional impact.

• Social media can influence decisions
  Quick, simplified advice online can sometimes encourage cutting people off instead of working through complex relationships.

• Mourning the “ideal parent” is part of healing
  Letting go of the version of a parent you hoped for can help create space to accept reality and move forward.

• Reconciliation requires both people
  Repairing a relationship is only possible when both sides are willing to acknowledge, change, and engage.

• Repeated hurt needs honest reflection
  Continually forgiving without change can be damaging — emotional safety should always be a priority.

• Grief doesn’t disappear — it evolves
  The impact of estrangement can resurface at different life stages and may be something you carry, in different ways, over time.

• Repair is powerful — at any stage
  Even years later, acknowledgement, accountability, and apology can have a profound healing effect.