Surrogacy in South Africa – 2 Dads and a Lad
Medical advancements, love and hope have come together to enable those who cannot biologically have children to still experience all the joys of parenthood.
Jonathan and Arthur are a match made in heaven between an Account Director and an Accounting Lecturer – they cycle together, cook together, laugh together and, now, they are raising their beautiful son together, too!
Their journey of surrogacy has led them to a peaceful life in Somerset West, and they’re sharing their little family’s story and experience with us from their idyllic home today.
Watch our video with these two exceptional dads about becoming fathers and the life they have created with their little lad, William.
Follow @2dadslad on Instagram for more from this modern and magical family!
Brought to you by Fedhealth Medical Aid – We let you be you. Also supported by Epi-max and Jacaranda 94.2.
When you and your husband got together and when you were married, how did you know that you're at the right age for children?
That sort of next step, it's a natural instinct that just kicks in and for us it's very interesting because we have a lot of friends, same-sex couples with kids we're in a we're in a group a gay dad branch group that always ends up in bubbly, um and we are eight dads with I think nine babies, kids you know more on the way!
It's a beautiful day in Somerset West, we couldn't have ordered better weather and better people. Where I'm sitting to give an idea, I'm looking at the most beautiful lawn and I'm watching a little baby playing with his dad and a ball, (balletjie okay) and then I'm sitting with his other dad, Jonathan George Bishop, and it's almost royal to meet you and to look at your son and to see how happy your life is. It almost looks too perfect, because you are so in control, your bathroom is the cleanest bathroom I've ever seen, with a child, it's because we've got two we've got the with the one that we don't allow guests in, and then we've got the guest one. Yeah you quickly, you quickly learn the tricks off the trade you learn the tricks of the trade.
Tell me about your life, I mean tell me who your partner is and who are you? Oh goodness absolutely amazing having you here, like we said you know we couldn't have chosen for a better day, um because in Cape Town it's like fashion, like the one day it's in, the next day it's out, the weather is terrible usually so it's a perfect day yes! We've actually, we've been staying in Somerset West area for 12 years and we've been together, we met each other 13 years ago and we've been married for five, and yes we moved up here about seven years ago. Actually just we call it our own park at home, so it's great and I think also having a kid, it's been great especially during lockdown we were really privileged to have a little bit of a space to get out but I think that the challenging thing still for us is, you know with everything going around, we are still working at home you know, it's a whole new way of adapting but the most precious moment actually was being there for William when he started sitting up, when he started crawling when he started walking, um running his first tantrums which I think a lot of parents miss. Those special opportunities yeah, so for that it's been absolutely incredible over the last period to be able to experience that.
When you and your husband got together and when you were married how did you know that you're at the right age for children?
That sort of next step, it's a natural instinct that just kicks in and for us it's very interesting because we have a lot of friends, same-sex couples with kids we're in a we're in a group a gay dad branch group that always ends up in bubbly, um and we are eight dads with I think nine babies, kids you know more on the way! But see you're doing exactly what we are all doing, and I say we are all, because I'm thinking of my mommy group at night and how we all would chat each to each other on Whatsapp and that's actually how baby brunch started. Baby Brunch started because we wanted support and we did it through all of our moms talking and yeah, you're hosting daddies just to show that we are all actually the same. The thing is you know that that questions always come up how do you know when you're ready and you know from our point of view everyone has the same as just you just know it's just that feeling, it's not a forced feeling, um in our case it can't be “’n glipsie”, I think there is a little bit more planning that goes into it but i think the emotions and everything that that we go through is exactly the same as any other couple goes through.
What do you enjoy most about being a dad and from where I’m sitting it's perfect. I see a happy baby who is playing ball and early on he was running after the dogs and he's climbing and what do you enjoy most about being a dad?
I think it's reliving our childhood; I know that's you know things like toys when he gets toys he's got a scale-lectric set that is like five meters, yeah he's too young for it but we play with you know. We are in the garden on the lawn, we spray each other with the hose pipe, um borehole water, it's legal so you know all of those things we're literally reliving our childhood through him. I think a lot of kids don't get to do because there's so many quick fixes nowadays, iPads, Tv’s, um cell phones that you can just kind of put the kid in front of it and it's an easy outcome.
What does he call you? Pappie John and Pappie At. Do you have enough love to give to children and that's why you wanted to have them? Definitely I think that that was the one thing that we realized now that was not missing in a way but that just brought so much fulfilment, is we've got so much to give, and we can see you know, I think he's a happy, uh happy baby. Why an Instagram page supporting fatherhood?
We started the page um just for our journey and then it was incredible just to see how many people actually are wanting to get information and support. I mean we're supporting not just dads but moms as well on all topics, um from sleeping to eating to the whole thing. So it's, we don't see ourselves as male or female, it's parents. We help each other out yeah. If you could do it again would you want to plan more children at the beginning of your marriage, would you one day want to have more children?
Definitely not just before you get married, I think you know you need a bit of time for yourself because as soon as they are here or even the nine months or so before your life changes, it's all that you basically focus on yeah, so yes i think William would like a brother or a sister but just give us a bit of a break, [laughter]. I'm not that person that's ever going to ask when's the second baby coming. Please don't ask people that ever! Do they ask you that? Yes!
If you could tell people something about surrogacy that perhaps they don't know, what would it be?
It's to find trustworthy resources, um there aren't any information or really trustworthy sources in South Africa for this process. It's very, there are a lot of grey areas, and in this process it's black or white. Um you know, you need to know exactly what you're getting yourself into because it's an emotional process. Um, it doesn't work the first time and you literally put your life on hold for that period.
Uh what do you want to say to all the other dads and parents and moms, and moms who are watching this, would you, what would you encourage them with especially when it comes to being different or being in a world where not all of us are dark like me and not all of us have got pretty lawns and not all of us have got another partner that they can rely on and some of us have got single moms who are really just wanting to be the best that they can be.
What would your advice be for people who want to feel included? I think there's the whole society has changed completely, um especially where we are now, and the biggest thing is you're not alone. There are so many people, as you know, your platform as well, that are there to help no matter if you're sitting you know in a flat 13 stories above or you stay on a farm, everyone gets lonely everybody has doubts, um and the good thing is to talk about it and sometimes you can just trigger something and you kind of go, Oh my goodness it's not just us, and then there's a sigh of relief you know like okay um we're doing something right so it's that affirmation you get from other people that help build you up and support you.
What is the one thing that you want to let everyone in the world know, because we're international! What's the one thing you want to let everyone in the world know about parenting.
I think the one thing is, you can't prepare yourself for what to expect. You can read so many books and get people's advice and you know lying there in the evenings with Google and then you get a call to say baby's on the way you kind of go hang on, yeah give me another month! I'm not ready, I'm not ready and I think the one thing that parenthood has also taught us is, adapting constantly, adapting if something doesn't work, change it, not just between yourself and your child but between yourselves as well because there's no manual for marriage with kids, that's something you know that kind of also gets thrown on the side-line and you kind of you learn a different dimension of each other as well, so it's a learning curve but definitely more understanding and kind of stepping back and just realizing that there are more important things in life that you never thought were important.